Poor Man’s Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse #92
Our country has that feeling children of the 90s are all too familiar with. The rage-filled screams of our soon to be divorced parents are drowning out the joyous sound of our favorite television show, our only refuge from the harshness of reality. Only this is 2017, instead of our parents’ getting divorced, our two major political parties are locked in a masochistic death spiral which is interfering with our current last refuge: safety in our own homes. When it all goes to shit this time, Aunt Karen won’t be there to take us in until mom can find an apartment, our society will crumble, we need to prepare.
Editorial note: my childhood may not reflect that of others, but I hope you’re happy lording your awesome youth over my head!
Tip #92: Self-Storage facilities are your last refuge.
If you were desperate to find food and water and all stores were barren, where would you look? As we have discussed here previously, roving gangs of looters will be going house to house, plundering anything they can to survive. We must keep our supplies where they would never look. This is where self-storage facilities come into play. Who would figure somewhere in between soiled mattresses, tube televisions and compact disk collections a hidden trove of life sustaining supplies would reside? See, this is why we talk here: we have to do more with less as broke Americans.
A common self-storage unit, 10×10 feet will run you roughly a hundred dollars a month. Before you gripe about the cost, ask yourself: how much have you spent in the last month on, Starbucks, video games, failed dates and alcohol… Exactly. You can afford surviving the apocalypse, if you choose to. Find a storage facility on the outskirts of town, nice and desolate. Over the course of time, secretly fill it with food, water, medical supplies and weapons. Do not tell a soul. And no, you can’t even use it as your man-cave to get away from your friends or family. This is to help you survive the end of days. You don’t have the money to build a bunker or escape the apocalypse to come, but you can bugout to your storage unit and live there. You know, like you had to do that one time in college when you were homeless.